Story

Description

Towelie is fired from his wait staff job at P.F. Chang's because he's waaaay too stoned. Now unemployed and broke, he gets high and comes up with an idea to make money. He writes his memoirs and takes them to a book publisher. Unfortunately, his novel is rejected for publication because "people aren't interested in the autobiographies of towels." So Towelie gets high and has another idea.

He pretends to be human, changes his name to Steven McTowelie and markets his book once more. This time it finds a publisher and wins a spot on The Oprah Winfrey Show, guaranteeing that his life story, A Million Little Fibers, will become a bestseller.

The book flies off the shelves and makes Towelie rich. But the seeds of his destruction are already being sewn by none other than Oprah's vagina and anus -- Minge and Gary -- both of which feel neglected by their workaholic host. The two orifices contact Geraldo Rivera with a startling revelation: Steven McTowelie is not a person -- he's a towel.

Rivera breaks the news, creating a firestorm of controversy. Oprah's vagina and anus are thrilled, because they think the embarrassment will cause the cancellation of Oprah's show, forcing her to spend more time with them. And everything seems to be going as planned.

Oprah invites Towelie back, allegedly to give his side of the story. But when he returns to the show (no longer in "human" disguise), she instead incites her audience to burn and lynch him.

Towelie is chased down the street by the mob and cornered in front of the First National Bank of Chicago. But before the crowd can tear him apart, Oprah's Minge pulls a revolver out the front of her pants, guns down a cop and takes the audience (and Towelie) hostage. He sees that Oprah will never have time for either her Minge or her Gary. Mingey demands a plane to take him and Gary to France.

Resisting the ever-present temptation to get high, Towelie instead comes up with a daring rescue plan. He slides under the bank's locked doors, opens them from the inside and quietly ushers the hostages indoors, allowing them to escape unnoticed. A police sniper then shoots Oprah in the crotch, killing Gary. Oprah's Minge, distraught and emotional over the death of his mate, takes his own life.

Oprah is then carted off to the hospital, while Towelie is hailed as a hero. He vows to no longer get high for ideas. Instead he'll get high after he comes up with ideas, as a reward.

What I Learned Today

"I learned that I shouldn't get high to come up with ideas. I should come up with ideas and then get high, to reward myself."

Memorable Quotes

• "If I was a towel, why would I be wearing this hat? And this fake mustache?" Towelie
• "I have come up with a shocking discovery that is going to rock the balls and ass of the literary world." Geraldo Rivera
• "Well you know what I think, Towelie? I think you're a lying sack of shit." Oprah Winfrey
• "Is this audience ready for a good old-fashioned lynching?" Oprah Winfrey
• "Every time I get high I come up with ideas that get me in more trouble." Towelie
• "This is the most unstable vagina I've ever talked to." (Negotiator)
• "Oh man I have no idea what's going on." Towelie
• "I can't take it any more. All she does is work, work, work. Never pays any attention to the ol' minge." (Minge)
• "YOU'RE a towel!!" Towelie
• "I want a chopper and a jet waiting at the airport to take us to France. Plus, we need some fresh knickers right away." (Minge)
• "Oprah's going to be okay. I wish I could say the same for her vagina and asshole." (Negotiator)

Characters

Towelie

Oprah Winfrey

Porcupine Press Publisher

House Publishe

Geraldo Rivera

Larry King

Lieutenant Nelson

Bill O'Reilly

Character Debuts

Oprah's talking private parts, Minge and Gary. We also meet Towelie's "human" alter-ego, Steven McTowelie.

Steven McTowelie

Body Count

A Chicago cop gunned down by Oprah's Minge. After the hostages are freed, Gary (Oprah's anus) takes a bullet from a sniper. Minge -- unable to live a life without his asshole mate Gary -- then takes his own life.

Locations

Marryot

Porcupine Press

The First National Bank of Chicago

Behind The Scenes

This was supposed to be a "banked show." One that was partially done in advance so that, at some point during the production run, the team could take a couple days off. They took their days off, and then realized that the material they'd already written and animated (concerning Towelie undergoing an "intervention" to curtail his drug use) had to be scrapped. Instead they married the Million Little Pieces controversy and Oprah's talking privates with the Towelie story. The final result, Matt says, was "weirdness on top of weirdness."

Where Did The Idea Come From

This episode mocks the controversy over the James Frey memoir A Million Little Pieces -- a book that Oprah Winfrey endorsed on her show. In retrospect, Trey thinks the episode's major plot devices -- Towelie getting his weed habit under control and Oprah's talking vagina -- could have made two separate shows.

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

Towelie's book is published by Arbitrary House, a reference to Random House.

Chapters four through eight in Towelie's book are exclusively about Doritos brand corn chips. He also has a bag of Chiporitos in his room.

Pwn'd

Oprah Winfrey. She's shown as a fat workaholic that never, ever takes time to play with her minge or asshole. Also Geraldo Rivera, making his first appearance since Season 1's "Weight Gain 4000." In this episode, however, he's a lot more flamboyant.

Lastly, the elder Larry King makes another cameo interviewing Towelie on his show Larry King Live. He was last seen in "Krazy Kripples" .

Bonus Factoids

Pointless Observations

None of the boys make an appearance in this show -- only the second time this has happened since Season Four's "Pip."

We get a view of Towelie's apartment for the first time here. In his room are several bongs, junk food, and two posters: High Moments (a parody of stoner magazine High Times) and Thankful Dead (a play on hippie jam band Grateful Dead).

Towelie apparently spells his name "Toweleeeie." On the front cover of his book, A Million Little Fibers, there's a review from the Chicago Globe reading: "The most fascinating tale of drug addiction since William S. Burroughs' Junkyard." This is a joke on Burroughs' semi-autobiographical tale of heroin addiction, Junkie.

Towelie's hotel room has a framed picture Wrigley Field, home of the Chicago Cubs.

During the scene of the standoff, when Rivera is reporting, a Visitor is seen driving an ambulance.

Season 10

e1 The Return of Chef

e2 Smug Alert

e3 Cartoon Wars Part I

e4 Cartoon Wars Part II

e5 A Million Little Fibers

e6 ManBearPig

e7 Tsst!

e8 Make Love, Not Warcraft

e9 Mystery of the Urinal Deuce

e10 Miss Teacher Bangs a Boy

e11 Hell on Earth 2006

e12 Go God Go

e13 Go God Go XII

e14 Stanley's Cup