Cash For Gold

Season	s16
Episode	e02
Written By	Trey Parker
Production Code	1602
Original Air Date	2012-03-21

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Story

Description

When the Marsh family visits Grandpa Marvin Marsh in the nursing home, Stan (aka "Billy") is given a surprise gift -- an expensive bolo tie. Stan hates it, and after being ripped on by the boys, takes Kyle's advice to pawn it.

The boys visit a local Cash 4 Gold store, and despite the fact that his grandpa paid $6000, Stan is offered next to nothing for it. The boys quickly discover the perpetrator of this crime: a TV network called Jewels and Gem Shopping Network. Their shows, like the ever-popular Jewelry Bonanza With Dean, specialize in selling cheap jewelry to demented old people.

The boys are disgusted. Except for Cartman, who uses these shows to come up with the chemical equation for gold. He then starts his very own "Cash 4 Gold" business, using Butters as his sign holder.

Grandpa Marsh continues to call and order products, despite his grandson's protests. Fed up, Stan calls into the Jewelry Bonanza and tells the host to kill himself.

Meanwhile, Cartman takes the next step and launches his own TV channel: "Old People's Shopping Network". His show, "Eric's Jewelry Cavalcade With Eric", follows in the J&G model by selling really crappy jewelry to old people. He even caps off every sale by letting the customer know they're "fucking him" with his low prices.

Still pissed, Stan visits a smelting factory to get the workers to stop taking advantage of old people. But there, he discovers the old Hindu saying "whoever smelt it dealt it" is not actually true. Instead, the smelter tells him it's really "whoever denied it, supplied it." With this knowledge, they go after the sign holdersâ€¦only to yet again be let down. The REAL perpetrators, they learn, are in India: "whoever made the rhyme, did the crime".

Cartman visits a Vietnamese Gem Wholesale Store to buy more cheap jewelry to sell on his show. But when the Vietnamese sales woman gives him the "Asian lady fucker" routine, he realizes that HE is the one getting fucked.

In an attempt to cut out the middleman, Cartman and Butters go to the source of cheap jewelry: India. But there, they find Kenny, Kyle and Stan, attempting to get retribution for Grandpa Marsh.

Stan demands answers, and in response, a poor Indian factory worker puts a necklace in a bag, and sends it offâ€¦starting a Jewelry Polka montage. We see in great detail the entire crappy jewelry process: it starts in India, goes to the shopping networks, then to old people, who give it as gifts to their kids, who sell it to Cash 4 Gold stores, which send it to smelters and then ship it back to India.

At the end of it all, Stan ends up with a picture frame, which he then gives to his Grandfather. In it is a picture of ol' Patches, Grandpa's long-lost border collie. Stan's grandpa then tells him his bolo tie is gay, and that he should never wear it again.

Finally, after being berated by calls from old people telling him to kill himself, the host of Jewelry Bonanza finally takes their advice.