About

Herbert Garrison has always been one confused man, he’s struggled with his identity throughout his life. He started out as South Park Elementary’s third grade teacher, who really doesn’t do a whole lot of teaching. When Garrison was in the third grade, he lost a talent show to the television star, Kathie Lee Gifford, years later he held on to the grudge and attempted to murder her because of his hand puppet, Mr. Hat, telling him to. In the episode, Summer Sucks, Garrison is upset he lost Mr. Hat, so he goes to a therapist. The therapist tells him that Mr. Hat was Garrison’s gay side trying to come out. Mr. Garrison denies his allegations because he believes he’s straight. When Garrison can’t find Mr. Hat, he turns to another puppet, Mr. Twig. Mr. Twig was killed by Mr. Hat, in Garrison’s screwed up little world, as a plan to get Garrison back to himself. In the episode Gnomes, Garrison finds out he may be getting fired if the school board see he’s not teaching anything, Garrison threatens his students to write a report that makes him seem like a good teacher. Garrison is exposed to not being a good teacher at the end of the episode, but nothing happens to him. The school’s trip to Arkansas, makes Garrison visit his parents, and we get a little bit more of Garrison’s awkward behavior when he admits how upset he is that his father never molested him. Garrison later got into writing an erotic book, which ended up getting published, the book mentioned a lot about male genitalia, peaking into Garrison’s homosexual side. When the new school year starts Garrison doesn’t return, he moves up into the mountains of South Park. When the new fourth grade teacher wants to know how to handle the kids Garrison had the previous year, she goes to look for him, she makes Garrison discover that he is a homosexual. Garrison tells the school staff that he’s gay, and asks to return to being the third grade teacher, where he is hit with that the school doesn’t hire gay people. Garrison is later told that he can join he elementary staff as a kindergarten teacher, which goes very well. In The Entity Garrison comes out with a product called “IT”, he created it because he was fed up with the long lines and poor service at the airport. His creation it’s a big wheel, where there are penis shaped objects going in the mouth and anus. When Ms. Choksondik is killed, Mr. Garrison is asked to be the Fourth Grade teacher, he accepts and finds out if the school fires you for being gay you can sue for millions. Garrison brings his boyfriend, Mr. Slave, to be his teacher’s assistant, to help him try to get fired. Garrison goes all out to try to get fired, even shoving a gerbil up his boyfriend’s ass. Garrison doesn’t get fired, but he gets sent to a camp to be more tolerant. In the episode South Park is Gay, Garrison is shocked when he sees everyone acting gay, to his dismay he finds out they aren’t gay, but metrosexual. He, Mr. Slave and Kyle Broflovski, travel to New York to try to kill the ones who started the fad. Later, Garrison discovers he isn’t comfortable as a man anymore, he gets a sex change, which is pretty graphic, and changes his name to Janet. Garrison returns home, and sees Mr. Slave upset with the changes, they break up and later he sees Mr. Slave is getting married to Big Gay Al. Garrison wants to prove gay marriage is wrong so he sets two male students up to take care of an egg, hoping it would break. The egg stays alive and same sex marriage is legalized to Garrison’s dismay. Ms. Garrison later is told to explain evolution to students, Garrison isn’t a fan of the idea until Richard Dawkins is brought in and Garrison develops feelings for him, they break up after Dawkins discovers Ms. Garrison once had a penis. Ms. Garrison is upset at school one day after another break up, and she gets herself into a lesbian bar, she is turned lesbian and finds out that their bar is going to be sold to persians, she ends up fighting with some persians and befriends the head persain. Later, Garrison becomes upset with herself again and tries get another sex change. His penis is attached to mouse and the mouse breaks free and Garrison goes on a look for it. He can’t find it till the very end where the penis allows itself to be caught, Garrison returns to the school a man, and returns to his straight, offensive self he used to be. In 200, Cartman is looking for his father and goes to Mr. Garrison for help first. He forces Garrison to pull out Mr. Hat, which he hasn’t used in years, Garrison doesn’t give much information away, even though he was scared. Everything is smooth sailing for Mr. Garrison, until the firing of Principal Victoria occurs. Mr. Garrison is faced to to a man who is fond of his teaching ways, PC Principal. Garrison is forced to take classes on other cultures, which leads to Garrison running for office. Garrison’s promise to his supporters is he will fuck every immigrant to death. Mr. Garrison teams up with Caitlyn Jenner to try to win the election. Garrison later sees Victoria after a debate, where she tells him to return and see what South Park has become since he left. In Member Berries Garrison continues his run for office and he is up in the polls till he discovers that has no idea what he is going to do once he’s in office. Despite his efforts not to Garrison is sworn into office as the 45th president of The United States. Garrison later gets a new look, resembling Donald Trump. President Garrison returns to South Park to visit his doubters, he first visits PC Principal and rubs his win in his face. He tells PC Principal that his dick his dry and needs to be moistened. Garrison later walks into the grocery store and runs into everyone’s face how he has become president, and he puts everyone who’s done anything that offended him down. Garrison has gone from being a closeted homosexual to being the President of the United States. He is one weird man, but the character development is unmatched but anyone.

DNA Overview

Odds are that you are in a position of authority, but maybe you shouldn’t be. You’re smart, but as somebody who’s always looking out for number one, you don’t always behave responsibly. People with Herbert Garrison DNA have bright futures – provided their actions don’t blow up in everyone’s faces.

"Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie."

Life Lessons

• "Remember: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
• "A Haiku is just like a normal American poem, except it doesn’t rhyme and it’s totally stupid.”
• "The Hare Krishnas are totally gay.”

Memorable Quotes

• "YOU HEAR ME! YOU GO TO HELL, YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!" (Cartman Gets an Anal probe)

• "Eric, do you need to sit in the corner untill your flaming gas in under control?" (Cartman gets an anal probe)

• "Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie." (An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig)

• "Bzzzz! WRONG! Try again dumbass!" (Chicken Lover)

• "IM NOT GAY!!!!!" (Fourth Grade)

• "Get your man hands off of me!" (Best Friends Forever)

• "Did I say something to you sugartits!" (D-Yikes)

• "Scissor me timbers!" (D-Yikes)

• "For me it was the soy sauce...sneaking, sneaking soy sauce." (Gluten Free Ebola)

• ”Now I might not understand politics or immigration policies, or the law, or basic ideological concepts. But, dammit, I understand there’s a bunch of Canadians here and I’m gonna do something about it!” (Where My Country Gone)

• ”Fuck them all to death!" (Where My Country Gone)

• ”Well, do I look presidential?” (Members Only)

Design

Here's Garrison's biggest design changes throughout the show's run.

Main Alter Egos

Alter egos that have appeared numberous times in-show and/or other official media.

Other Alter Egos/Outfits/Counterparts

Season 1

Season 6

Season 12

Season 16

Season 19

Season 20

Season 21

Season 24

Phone Destroyer

Bigger, Longer, & Uncut

Romantic Relationships

Ex-Boyfriends

Ex-Girlfriend

Close Friends

Other than his imaginary friends and ex-lovers, Garrison doesn't seem to be very close with many people.

He gets along very well with his running mate, usually gossiping or insulting people with her.

Bar Buddies

Garrison usually hangs out with these guys at Skeeter's Wine Bar, but rarely interacts with them one on one. But when something crazy comes to town, they all rally together for more than just a drink.

Imaginary Friends

Other Friends

Ex-Students

Garrison has taught many students over the years.

4th Grade

Students that Garrison regularly taught in the 3rd and 4th Grade, or exclusively in the 4th Grade.

3rd Grade

Students that Garrison regularly taught exclusively in the 3rd Grade.

Kindergarten

Students that Garrison regularly taught in Kindergarten.

Other Students

Students that Garrison rarely taught, and weren't regulars in his classes.

Rivals

Family

Residence

Featured Episodes

• Weight Gain 4000 (s01e02)
• Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (s01e04)
• Summer Sucks (s02e02)
• Chef Aid (s02e14)
• Chereokee Hair Tampons (s4e04)
• Fourth Grade (s04e11)
• Death Camp Of Tolerance (s06e14)
• Mr. Garrison's Fancy new Vagina (s09e01)
• Follow That Egg (s09e10)
• Go God Go (s10e12)
• Go God Go XII (s10e13)
• D-Yikes (s11e06)
• Eek A Penis (s12e05)
• Gluten Free Ebola (s18e02)
• Where My Country Gone? (s19e02)
• Sponsored Content (s19e08)
• Truth And Advertising (s19e09)
• Pc Principal Final Justice (s19e10)
• Member Berries (s20e01)
• The Damned (s20e03)

Behind the Scenes

Herbert Garrison is voiced by series co-creator Trey Parker.

• In the commentary track for "Weight Gain 4000", Trey talked about Garrison's role in the show: "He's the soap opera element to the whole series. [He] has a real story going on."
• In the 8th draft of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, Mr. Garrison is introduced as "MR. GARRISON, a forty-six year old teacher who is in denial about his homosexuality"
  • It was revealed a couple months later that he's forty-one.

Bonus Factoids

• Mr. Garrison has never been married.

• When Garrison was teaching he never really taught anything useful, he would teach what he knew, like Barnaby Jones.

Myths & Legends