Herbert Garrison
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| Gender | Male (Seasons 1 to 8; 13 - Present) Female (Seasons 9 to 12) |
| Age | 41 |
| Hair Color | Gray |
| Occupation | Teacher |
| Aliases | Janet Garrison (as female) Ethan F. Garrison (penname) |
| Religion | Roman Catholic, Atheist (briefly) |
| Father | Mr. Garrison Senior |
| Mother | Mrs. Garrison Senior |
| Voiced by | Trey Parker |
| First Appearance | Cartman Gets an Anal Probe |
About
Mr. Garrison aka Herbert Garrison aka Ethan Garrison (pen name) aka Miss Garrison aka Janet Garrison aka Mr. Garrison again. He is the boys' school teacher, having taught them in both 3rd grade and 4th grade (after the unfortunate death of Diane Choksondik). As you can tell from the multiple personas above, Garrison is pretty sexually confused. He denied being gay until he came out of the closet (Fourth Grade), then embraced it with the help of his gay assistant Mr. Slave (The Death Camp of Tolerance, 614)...only to then get a sex change operation (Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina), turn into a lesbian (D-Yikes!), and then get a sex change back to being a man (Eek, A Penis!). So yeah...
Life Lessons
- "Remember: There are no stupid questions, just stupid people.”
- "A Haiku is just like a normal American poem, except it doesn’t rhyme and it’s totally stupid.”
- "The Hare Krishnas are totally gay.”
Memorable Quotes
- "YOU HEAR ME! YOU GO TO HELL, YOU GO TO HELL AND YOU DIE!" (Cartman Gets an Anal probe)
- "Eric, do you need to sit in the corner untill your flaming gas in under control?" (Cartman gets an anal probe)
- "Well, spank my ass and call me Charlie." (An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig)
- "Bzzzz! WRONG! Try again dumbass!" (Chicken Lover)
- "IM NOT GAY!!!!!" (Fourth Grade)
- "Get your man hands off of me!" (Best Friends Forever)
- "Did I say something to you sugartits!" (D-Yikes)
- "Scissor me timbers!" (D-Yikes)
- "For me it was the soy sauce...sneaking, sneaking soy sauce." (Gluten Free Ebola)
Ex-Boyfriends
Richard Dawkins
Ex-Girlfriend
Running Mate
Caitlyn Jenner
Enemies
PC Principal
Canadians
Canadian President
Kathie Lee Gifford
Family
Featured Episodes
- Weight Gain 4000 (s01e02)
- Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (s01e04)
- Chereokee Hair Tampons (s4e04)
- Fourth Grade (s04e11)
- Death Camp Of Tolerance (s06e14)
- Mr. Garrison's Fancy new Vagina (s09e01)
- Follow That Egg (s09e10)
- Go God Go (s10e12)
- Go God Go XII (s10e13)
- D-Yikes (s11e06)
- Eek A Penis (s12e05)
- Gluten Free Ebola (s18e02)
- Where My Country Gone? (s19e02)
Behind the Scenes
Herbert Garrison is voiced by series co-creator Trey Parker.
- In the commentary track for "Weight Gain 4000", Trey talked about Garrison's role in the show: "He's the soap opera element to the whole series. [He] has a real story going on."
- In the 8th draft of South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut, Mr. Garrison is introduced as "MR. GARRISON, a forty-six year old teacher who is in denial about his homosexuality"
- It was revealed a couple months later that he's forty-one.
Bonus Factoids
never been married.