Pinewood Derby

Season	s13
Episode	e06
Written By	Trey Parker
Production Code	1306
Original Air Date	2009-04-15

Episode Chronology

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Fishsticks
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Fatbeard

Story

Description

Randy Marsh, determined to make sure his son Stan wins the annual statewide pinewood derby, slips an object into the back of the car to give it an advantage. Stan learns from a news report that the object is a superconducting magnet, stolen from the Large Hadron Collider by Randy disguised as Princess Leia. During the finals, Randy coaxes Stan to lie to the judges and say he used only the parts in the approved pinewood derby kit. Stan wins first place when his car reaches warp speed, shooting off the track and into space, where it is later found by an alien species. Soon after, a spaceship lands in South Park, but its pilot is a bank robber named Baby Fark McGeezax who demands that Stan and Randy build him a new warp drive while holding the entire planet at gunpoint. Everyone believes Stan and his father can create the drive using only the approved pinewood derby kit.

Stan tries to persuade Randy to tell the truth about the stolen magnet, but Randy refuses in order to avoid embarrassment. As the pair works on the warp drive, an Intergalactic Police ship approaches Earth; McGeezax cloaks his ship and drags Stan out of sight as a hostage, leaving the townspeople to divert the officers' questions. The officers say that McGeezax stole a large sum of space cash, but no one admits to seeing him, and the officers leave. Randy then provides a diversion for McGeezax while Stan, at Randy's insistence, stabs him to death with a shank. McGeezax's ship is found to contain the stolen space cash, but instead of returning it, Randy persuades everyone to divide it among themselves. Randy, in contact with all world leaders, buys other countries' silence by giving them a share. Four days later, the officers return to South Park. They now know that McGeezax landed here and Randy tells them of his death, but everyone denies finding any space cash.

Randy tries to keep other countries from spending the space cash since that might alert the Intergalactic Police; however, this fails when Mexico spends its money on 32 hospitals and 7 water parks, and China spends it on 48 soccer stadiums. Learning that Finland is about to divulge to the cops, Randy persuades the rest of the world to wipe Finland out in a nuclear missile attack. The Intergalactic Police pay a third visit to ask about the strike, but the South Park residents fake disbelief. By this time, Stan has had enough of the deception, so he tells the truth about cheating in the pinewood derby and returns his trophy; however, no one else on the planet comes clean about the space cash. McGeezax emerges from the officers' ship, having only faked his death. He reveals that he is really Kevern Zaksor, ambassador to new world testing, and that the entire chain of events was a test to see if Earth was worthy of joining the intergalactic community but humans proven to be too selfish, greedy, chaotic and deceitful. As punishment for failing, the Earth and the Moon are isolated from the rest of the Universe (although it appears to have disappeared later on). The episode ends with Randy saying, "Well that sucks."