Story

Description

For the 4th Grade's lesson on "Parenting," Garrison pairs the kids into boy/girl couples and assigns them each an egg, which they must take care of for one full week as if it were a baby. Stan gets angry when his ex-girlfriend Wendy is paired with Kyle. So angry, in fact, that he neglects his own egg (which he's caring for with Bebe) and tells Kyle that his hat is stupid.

All this pales in comparison to Garrison's problems. When she visits her former lover (Mr. Slave) to patch things up, she discovers he now lives with Big Gay Al -- and that the two plan to marry as soon as same-sex unions are legalized in Colorado. Furious, Garrison vows to do whatever it takes to stop gay marriage.

Soon Garrison and an army of like-minded protestors meet with the governor, who's terrified of the controversial issue and won't consider vetoing the measure unless he can find some sort of political cover for himself. Garrison says he can provide a "study" proving that gay marriages are unstable. To do this he mixes up the lineup for his egg experiment, putting Stan and Kyle together as a "gay" couple. He figures the boys will destroy the egg, proving his point and nudging the governor into vetoing the same-sex marriage bill.

But things don't go as planned. In spite of the fact that Stan and Kyle aren't getting along, nothing happens to their egg. So Garrison hires a professional Israeli assassin named Jikartha, who literally shoots the egg out of Stan's hand. But just when all seems lost, Kyle reveals that he gave Stan a decoy egg, and that he's carrying the real one safe and sound. The boys reconcile, and Stan tells Kyle he really doesn't think his hat is stupid.

They jump in a taxi and race to Denver, where the final "egg check" is taking place on the steps of the Colorado statehouse. As the boys rush through the crowd of gay supporters/protesters, Jikartha opens fire and detonates land mines, killing bushels of bystanders -- but failing to stop Stan and Kyle. They make it to the podium, reveal their undamaged egg to Garrison, and collapse.

Same-sex marriage is made legal in Colorado, and Kyle and Stan (utterly confusing them, since they weren't aware of their pivotal role in the debate) are hailed as heroes. Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave get married, both adorned in tasteful white gowns. Afterward, Wendy tells Stan that she's sorry she doubted his parental abilities. Stan tells her to get lost.

What I Learned Today

"Like I give a crap about what you think, Wendy."

Memorable Quotes

• "Fags are getting married over my dead body!" Ms. Garrison
• "I just wanted a big house and lots of respect. I didn't want this kind of responsibility." Governor of Colorado
• "Look at the freak egg! It has two daddies!" Ms. Garrison
• "Instead of being man and wife, you'll be butt buddies." Governor of Colorado
• "I will murder that egg! And I will make it curse the day it was laid!!" Jikartha, the Assassin
• "Stan, do you really think my hat is stupid?" Kyle
• "If you break your egg, it means you have a dead baby. And if you kill your baby, you get an F." Ms. Garrison
• "Well maybe I didn't want to have an egg with you, okay Bebe?!" Stan
• "You're taking that egg and if you break it again, so help me god I will break both your legs and burn down your house!!"Ms. Garrison
• "With the help of some adorable fourth grade students, we have completed our scientific, non-biased study of fags having kids." Ms. Garrison
• "This egg is fine! Gays can get married!!" Governor of Colorado

Characters

Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski

Eric Cartman

Kenny McCormick

Janet Garrison

Heidi Turner

Wendy Testaburger

Bebe Stevens

Timmy Burch

Mr. Slave

Randy Marsh

Father Maxi

Character Debuts

Jakartha, the Israeli assassin hired by Garrison to kill Stan and Kyle's egg. This self-proclaimed "world's greatest killer" is based out of a seedy establishment known as The Akbar. We also meet the Governor of Colorado.

Jakartha

Governor of Colorado

Character Returns

Big Gay Al appears for the first time since Season Five's "Cripple Fight." He's now Mr. Slave's lover and soon-to-be husband.

Big Gay Al

Body Count

The numerous demonstrators gunned down and blown up by the egg assassin as Stan and Kyle make their way to the Colorado statehouse.

Locations

Original Songs

Ms. Garrison sings a heartfelt ode to Mr. Slave with "Love Lost Long Ago."

Behind The Scenes

Where Did The Idea Come From

Trey and Matt thought it would be funny if Garrison, who transformed himself from an openly gay man into a homosexual-hating woman, led the charge against same-sex marriage.

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

This episode draws its plot from the raging battles that were (and still are) going on in the United States between the pro- and anti-gay marriage sects. This episode aired shortly after Connecticut legalized civil unions between same sex couples in October 2005. Massachusetts was the first state to legalize the bond, which happened in November 2003.

Bonus Factoids

Pointless Observations

All the kids receive white eggs except for Tolkien, whose egg is brown. Wendy broke up with Stan two seasons ago in "Raisins" , a breakup which briefly left Stan heartbroken and Goth-ed out. Their relationship hasn't been discussed much since then.

Stan and Kyle's Daily Egg Evaluation reads: "MORNING: Woke up at 7am, washed egg in sink. Dried. Dusted with baby powder. Dressed egg in overalls and combed hair. EGG IS VERY HAPPY!! AFTERNOON: After lunch egg watched basketball game on the playground. After, took a nap. Stan is a protective father. EVENING: Took a shower with egg. Egg went to bed at 8:30 pm."

The cab driver that's wrecklessly hauling ass to get the boys to the Governor's gay marriage rally is the same driver that wrecklessly drove Jimmy in his effort to retrieve his whore, Nut Gobber, in "Erection Day" . He's hit his mark both times.

Season 9

e1 Mr. Garrison's Fancy New Vagina

e2 Die Hippie, Die

e3 Wing

e4 Best Friends Forever

e5 The Losing Edge

e6 The Death of Eric Cartman

e7 Erection Day

e8 Two Days Before the Day After Tomorrow

e9 Marjorine

e10 Follow That Egg!

e11 Ginger Kids

e12 Trapped in the Closet

e13 Free Willzyx

e14 Bloody Mary