About

Resurfacing as a resident of the small mountain town of South Park, ol' holy Jesus is a great friend of the boys, always ready to lend a helping hand or dispense some godly advice. He used to have his own cable access show called "Jesus & Pals" where he responded to callers and hosted the occasional celebrity or Krazy Kenny - though he's not afraid to deal with his unruly producers. He used to have a rough relationship with Santa Claus but they've put that behind them and are now strong allies.

In addition to being good friends with God and Rod Stewart, ge is a crucial member of Imaginationland's Council of Nine, featuring the wisest fictional (and semi-fictional) characters of all-time. When things get really out of control, he calls upon the Super Best Friends, a team of his deity BFFs who will stop at nothing to protect the world from the likes of David Blaine and Scott Tenorman. His biggest weakness, however, is his addiction to internet pornography - which totally isn't like doing coke.

Jesus' powers and abilities include super carpentry, allowing him to build anything he might need to protect his children, the ability to mend wounds and broken bones with a slight of the hand, the power of resurrection upon death (one he shares with Kenny) and of course, the ability to devastate his enemies with an arsenal of automatic weapons. He also knows some good ol' fashioned 'miracles' - of course, you'll need to turn around first. He maintains his powers are real and not the results of being "doped up" - what really matters is farmers in Belarus.

Memorable Quotes

• "Yea, my children, look upon me and know me."
• "Very well. Let the final battle between Good and Evil be fought - right here in South Park!" (Damien)
• "Happy Birthday to me, Happy Birthday to me…" (Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo)
• "SHUT THE FUCK UP!! Jesus, what is wrong with you people?! Look around you, Stanley. Look at all the pain and suffering your lie has caused." (The Mexican Staring Frog of Sri Lanka)
• "You pooped your pants? Nurse, Mr. Stewart has apparently pooped his pants." (Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus)
• "God doesn't want you to spend all your time being afraid of hell, or praising His name. God wants you to spend your time helping others, and living a good, happy life. That's how you live for Him." (Probably)
• "Very well. I shall perform the miracle. Behold. Here you can see ordinary water, clear, clean. Okay now, turn around. Er, nuh, tur- turn around." (Super Best Friends)
• "Don't... don't ever... let them take away... our... Christmas spirit." (Red Sleigh Down)
• "We have no choice, Kyle. You're going to have to kill me." (Fantastic Easter Special)
• "Buddha, don't do coke in front of kids!" (200)
• "My child, have you ever heard of a place called Hell? It's eternal fire, and it's gonna hurt real bad." (Butterballs)
• "And even if I did use performance enhancing drugs, so did all the other prophets. But I didn't." (A Scause for Applause)

Featured Episodes

• Big Gay Al's Big Gay Boat Ride (s01e04)
• An Elephant Makes Love to a Pig (s01e05; cameo)
• Death (s01e06)
• Mr. Hankey, the Christmas Poo (s01e10)
• Damien (s01e08)
• Mecha-Streisand (s01e12)
• Cartman's Mom is a Dirty Slut (s01e13; cameo)
• Chickenlover (s02e03; cameo)
• The Mexican Staring Frog of Sri Lanka (s02e06)
• Spontaneous Combustion (s03e02)
• South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (cameo)
• Mr. Hankey's Christmas Classics (s03e15)
• Are You There, God? It's Me, Jesus (s03e16)
• Probably (s04e11)
• Fat Camp (s04e15)
• A Very Crappy Christmas (s04e17; video)
• Super Best Friends (s05e04)
• Red Sleigh Down (s06e17; death)
• I'm a Little Bit Country (s07e01; cameo)
• It's Christmas in Canada (s07e15; mentioned)
• The Passion of the Jew (s08e04; heavily mentioned)
• Fantastic Easter Special (s11e05; resurrection)
• Imaginationland Episode II (s11e11)
• Imaginationland Episode III (s11e12)
• 200 (s14e05)
• 201 (s14e06)
• Butterballs (s16e05)
• A Scause for Applause (s16e13)

Video Games

South Park: The Stick of Truth

Jesus is a summonable character in the game, if the player can locate him twice in the Church. He can then be summoned in non-boss battles to unleash his arsenal of advanced weaponry against enemies.

Fun Facts

• In all of his appearances from "Super Best Friends" onward, he wears a red sash.
• Even Jesus has been tempted by the sin of list - in the form of an attractive single mom named Liane Cartman.
• It was once hinted that Jesus' death in "Red Sleigh Down" may have been connected to Kenny's sudden resurrection the same night.
• Jesus is a Jew and Cartman hates Jews. It is unknown if Cartman is aware that Jesus is Jewish but most likely isn't aware due to Cartman believing that Jews kill Jesus.

A badass killing machine that will go down with a fight. Get santa and him and you can win a war.