Story

Description

David Blaine visits South Park, impressing the town's residents, including Kyle, Stan, Cartman, and Kenny, with his street magic. Mesmerized, the boys join the cult of "Blaintology," hoping to learn more about magic. Stan becomes progressively more disturbed by the cult and soon leaves, but Kyle refuses to join him, and so Stan asks Jesus for help. Meanwhile, Kyle and Cartman go door to door in a recruitment drive, sporting nametags labeled "Elder Kyle" and "Elder Cartman."

Jesus appears at Blaine's show in Denver, and challenges him by performing the miracle of the loaves and fish... after requesting that everybody in the audience turn around; Blaine manages to win the crowd with much more powerful enchantments. Jesus promptly requires the assistance of the Super Best Friends: a group of major religious figures including Muhammad, Buddha, Moses, Joseph Smith, Krishna, Laozi and "Sea Man", an Aquaman-like character. They are dedicated to defending the world against evil (except for Buddha, who "doesn't really believe in evil").

The Blaintologists, meanwhile, petition the government for tax-exempt status. Their request is denied, and all the Blaintologists are told that they are to commit mass suicide in Washington, D.C. Kyle is shown to have escaped the cult's control, but when he tries to convince Cartman that they should flee, Cartman reports him, and Kyle is imprisoned in a glass bubble and forced to participate at the mass suicide. When word about the mass suicide reaches the Super Best Friends, they consult Moses (previously seen in "Jewbilee") for advice.

In D.C., the Blaintologists begin to drown themselves in the Reflecting Pool even though it is only approximately a foot deep, while Cartman installs a hose in Kyle's glass bubble to fill it with water, so as to drown him. The Super Best Friends arrive at the scene, to which Blaine responds by animating the statue of Abraham Lincoln to fight them.

Meanwhile, Stan searches for his friends, first finding Kenny drowned in the pool and shouting "Oh my God! They killed Kenny!", to which Kyle replies "You bastards!"; they alternately repeat their catchphrases in Marco Polo fashion to find each other. In order to defeat the Abraham Lincoln statue, the Super Best Friends create a giant animated John Wilkes Booth statue, which shoots it in the head, causing it to fall over and shatter Kyle's prison. Afterwards, Joseph Smith uses his ice powers to freeze the reflecting pool so as to prevent more suicides.

It is revealed that Cartman has not managed to kill himself, as he keeps coming up for air. Blaine curses the Super Best Friends for ruining his plans and flies away in a rocket ship. Stan finally announces that any religion which forces people to relinquish their money or control over their lives is really a cult. After his speech, Kyle reconciles with Stan, they amuse themselves with kicking a taunting Cartman in the testicles, and the episode ends with the Super Best Friends flying away.

Blaine uses his magic to make the giant stone Abraham Lincoln monument come to life, but the Super Best Friends counterattack with a giant stone John Wilkes Booth which shoots Lincoln in the back of the head. Blaine flees and his still-surviving followers abandon him. Stan and Kyle reunite, then repeatedly and savagely kick Cartman in the crotch.

What I Learned Today

"You don't need David Blaine to tell you how to live. See, cults are dangerous because they promise you hope, happiness and maybe even an afterlife. But in return they demand you pay money. Any religion that requires you to pay money in order to move up and learn its tenets is wrong. See, all religions have something valuable to teach, but just like the Super Best Friends learned, it requires a little bit of them all."

Memorable Quotes

• "I don't think I'm very happy. I always fall asleep to the sounds of my own screams." Butters
• "Don't call Mr. Blaine a gaywad! He's a brilliant man." Kyle
• "Blainetology is for everyone. There are Blainetologists who are Catholics, Buddhists why even Kyle here is a Goddamned Jew." Cartman
• "Jesus Christ!" Jesus Christ
• "We all believe in the power of good over evil. Except for Buddha, of course, who doesn't believe in evil." Joseph Smith
• "We've gotta stop that oversized Abraham Lincoln!" Jesus Christ
• "I had no idea how unhappy I was until today!" Kyle
• "Oh, don't worry, I have a few more miracles up my sleeve!" Jesus Christ
• "Did you hear that guys?! We're finally gonna die!!" Cartman
• "More than friends, young boy, we are Super Best Friends. With the desire to fight for justice." Muhammad
• "I don't want to die either. I haven't even gotten my pubes yet." Cartman

Characters

Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski

Eric Cartman

Kenny McCormick

Jesus Christ

Moses

Character Debuts

David Blaine

Buddha

Joseph Smith

Krishna

Lao-Tse

CENSORED

Sea-Man

Elderly Woman

Body Count

Kenny McCormick

Locations

Behind The Scenes

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

A couple of David Blaine's actual TV specials are referenced in this episode, including his "Frozen in Time" primetime spectacular (referred to as "the miracle of being frozen in ice at Times Square").

When this aired, George W. Bush had just been sworn into office, and Parker and Stone's live action TV show "That's My Bush" had just debuted on Comedy Central. As the Blainetologists start killing themselves in D.C., we actually see the whole cast of "That's My Bush" animated South Park-style -- from George W. right down to Larry, the wacky next-door neighbor.

Pwn'd

Well, David Blaine, who's portrayed as some sort of insane cultist. The real Blaine called the South Park offices after the episode aired and said that people were actually asking him for his Blainetology book. For the record, there's no such thing.

When Kyle tries to wake up Cartman, he screams out from his sleep "No Paula Poundstone, leave me alone!!"

Bonus Factoids

Pointless Observations

Moses looks just like he did in "Jewbilee". Which is to say, he looks like the Master Control Program from Tron.

The David Blaine workshop advertises "Free punch and pie!" in it's flyer. This incentive was also used in the South Park movie, Bigger, Longer, and Uncut, to entice kids to come join Terrance and Phillip's cause.

This is the first (and only) time we see all the kids with shaved heads. Without their signature winter hats and/or hair, they all pretty much look the same (well, except Cartman). It gets so confusing, Stan actually forgets who he is for a second, "Oh, wait who am I again?"

Kyle and Stan play a little "Marco Polo" game in the Reflecting Pool, with Stan calling out "Oh my god. They killed Kenny!" and Kyle finishing "You bastards!". Stan uses it to pinpoint Kyle's location and save his life.

The Super Best Friends are a takeoff of DC Comic's famous superhero team: Justice League of America, which featured Superman, Wonder Woman, and Batman, among others. The character of Sea-Man is an allusion to Aquaman, who was also in the League. More specifically, this episode parodies the popular 1970s cartoon Super Friends, which was an animated adaptation of Justice League.

The reflection of a Visitor can be observed instead of Jesus when they are looking at the giant screen of David Blaine.

Season 5

e1 Scott Tenorman Must Die

e2 It Hits the Fan

e3 Cripple Fight

e4 Super Best Friends

e5 Terrance and Phillip: Behind the Blow

e6 Cartmanland

e7 Proper Condom Use

e8 Towelie (episode)

e9 Osama bin Laden Has Farty Pants

e10 How To Eat With Your Butt

e11 The Entity

e12 Here Comes the Neighborhood

e13 Kenny Dies

e14 Butters' Very Own Episode