Story

Description

Jared Fogle gives a speech at South Park, touting how easy it is to lose weight by simply eating a diet of Subway sandwiches. Cartman, Kyle, Stan and Butters visit Jared, and are dismayed when Jared reveals that his weight loss is not only the result of eating sandwiches, but also with the help from his aides (a personal trainer and a dietician). Kyle convinces Jared that he is being dishonest by never referring to his assistants, and Jared realizes the boys are correct, and plans to give another speech to discuss them. At Jared's next announcement, he raves about his aides. The townspeople misconstrue the statement, thinking that he is infected with AIDS, and become repulsed by him. After being fired by Subway, Jared begins to wish he never hired aides. His assistants convince him that people are upset because they cannot hire their own assistants, inspiring Jared to start the "Aides for Everyone" (misinterpreted as "AIDS for Everyone") foundation. The townspeople are angered further, and chase him through town. Jared laments that everyone hates him for saying he has AIDS while he beats a dead horse with a baseball bat. When Jared is caught, the mob prepares to lynch him; however, Stan and the boys intervene, and clarify that Jared was not referring to AIDS, but his assistants. The townspeople apologize, and begin laughing at their mistake. Everyone declares AIDS is finally humorous, and begin celebrating as a banner, with "AIDS is Finally Funny" inscribed on it, is unveiled.

In a subplot, Cartman devises a scheme to earn money after discovering that Jared did not have to eat sandwiches to lose weight. He proposes that Butters gain lots of weight and then become fit by other means, while pretending that he lost weight by eating at City Wok. After striking a deal with the manager of the restaurant to film several commercials, Butters manages to gain the weight, but finds himself unable to lose it, and the boys resort to liposuction. As they perform the operation, Butters' parents return home, and ground him for performing surgery in the house. When it is time to film the commercials, Butters states he is grounded and will not leave; however, the boys manage to convince him to come as Cartman stays behind at Butters' house to cover for him. Butters' parents call the house, with Cartman replying to them each time with crude language. Meanwhile, when Stan discovers City Wok's owner will only pay them 15 dollars, he severs the deal, and Butters returns home. Just before Butters' parents arrive, Cartman brings over a lawn chair, a drink, and a bucket of popcorn, then sits outside and watches as Butters' parents ruthlessly beat him for the language that Cartman, pretending to be Butters, used on the phone.

What I Learned Today

"It would have been wrong to exploit Butters' weight loss. Because then lots of fat people would have believed it and then gone and eaten a ton of Chinese food instead of dieting properly. They'd still be fat and we'd be responsible for their shattered dreams."

Memorable Quotes

• "It's only in America that somebody can become famous just because they go from being a big fat ass to not being a big fat ass." Stan
• "I can't lose weight, Butters, 'cause I'm not fat. I'm big-boned. You can't slim down bones, stupid!" Cartman
• "Dammit Butters! Keep eating or I'll kick you 'til you're deader than Kenny!" Cartman
• "How many times have we told you not to have self-performed liposuction surgery in our house?" Linda Stotch
• "You guys I think I'm having a genius moment." Cartman
• "You wouldn't be a penis butt, Butters. You'd be FAMOUS." Stan
• "If you want him to get really fat as fast as possible, one of you will have to marry him." Chef
• "You guys have already gotten me in Dutch for getting fat, then I got in double Dutch for having liposuction, and you're asking me to be in TRIPLE Dutch?! Huh-uh, I'll never be that Dutch." Butters
• "22 point three years. That's how long it takes for something tragic to become funny." Kyle
• "DON'T YOU HI MOM AND DAD US YOU LITTLE PUNK!!!! " Stephen Stotch

Characters

Stan Marsh

Kyle Broflovski

Eric Cartman

Butters Stotch

Herbert Garrison

Randy Marsh

Jerome "Chef" McElroy

Jared Fogle

Linda Stotch

Stephen Stotch

Gerald Broflovski

Jimbo Kern

Mayor McDaniels

Skeeter

Terrance

Phillip

Mr. Mackey

Subway Representatives

Character Debuts

The owner of City Wok, Tuong Lu Kim, who thanks to his poor mastery of English refers to his establishment as "Shitty Wok." Years earlier, while Matt and Trey were putting together the movie Orgazmo, they amused themselves by calling a real City Wok, which the guy who answered the phone referred to as "Shitty Wok."

Tuong Lu Kim

Body Count

None, although Jared comes precariously close to being lynched by an angry mob in the South Park Gallows.

Locations

City Wok

Le Place

Original Songs

Jared gets his own little "Still Lookin' Good" theme song which plays throughout the episode. The townspeople also make their own, personalized variations of this song.

Behind The Scenes

Where Did The Idea Come From

At the time, you couldn't watch TV for more than half an hour without catching one of Subway's "Jared" spots. Trey and Matt actually thought the idea was brilliant -- lose weight eating a chain restaurant's food, then sell yourself to them as a spokesperson.

Pop Culture References

Shout Outs

The scene in which Jared walks dejectedly down the street after being fired from his Subway gig is a parody of a similar scene in the movie Philadelphia -- right down to the Bruce Springsteen-esque "Streets of Philadelphia" song playing in the background.

Cartman references the Three's Company star when he yells at Butters, "Who do you think I'm talking about Butters, Joyce Dewitt?!"

Pwn'd

Jared Vogle, the guy who lost a bunch of weight eating Subway sandwiches. He's basically portrayed as the poster child for AIDS in this episode.

Bonus Factoids

The joke of "Aides" being misunderstood as "AIDS" is used so repeatedly that Matt and Trey actually put in a scene where Jared is beating a dead horse.

When Butters starts puking from eating too much, Cartman tells him to eat his own vomit because "Japanese girls do it." Butters, apparently satisfied with this answer, eats his own spew.

Old Horse Banging Skank

This episode features Cartman's infamous impersonation of Butters. He sounds so much like him it even fools Butters' parents, which winds up being really unfortunate for the real Butters.

We also get a glimpse into Butters' parents' work lives. We learn that Butters' mom works at a Telemarketing Office and his dad works at an Insurance Company.

Pointless Observations

During the scene of Jared at the restaurant, a Visitor can be seen hidden behind the top right table. Also when chef is cooking to make Butters fat, his spoon is a Visitor. And behind the Mayor when they are about to hand Jared.

Season 6

e1 Freak Strike

e2 Jared Has Aides

e3 Asspen

e4 The New Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer

e5 Fun with Veal

e6 Professor Chaos (episode)

e7 The Simpsons Already Did It

e8 Red Hot Catholic Love

e9 Free Hat

e10 Bebe's Boobs Destroy Society

e11 Child Abduction is Not Funny

e12 A Ladder to Heaven

e13 The Return of the Fellowship of the Ring to the Two Towers

e14 The Death Camp of Tolerance

e15 The Biggest Douche in the Universe

e16 My Future Self 'n' Me

e17 Red Sleigh Down