Turd Burglars

Season	s23
Episode	e08
Written By	Trey Parker
Production Code	2308
Original Air Date	2019-11-27

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Official Description

Kyle and Ike are desperate to keep a lid on their momâ€™s medical condition. Kyleâ€™s mom looks so good after her fecal transplant that everyone wants to get their hands on her goods. Cartman and the boys jump into the quest for the best microbiome.

Full Description

At the South Park Community Center, Sheila Broflovski becomes violently ill, and begins vomiting and defecating uncontrollably. At Hell's Pass Hospital, Sheila's Hell's Pass Doctor tells her sons Kyle Broflovski and Ike Broflovski that Sheila has a bacterial infection called C-diff, causing the beneficial bacteria in her stomach to be overrun by malignant bacteria, and that she needs a fecal transplant to replace her microbiome. After the transplant, Sheila extols the beneficial health effects of the procedure to her friends Laura Tucker, Harriet Biggle, and Linda Stotch, much to the embarrassment of her sons. Consulting a video on how to prevent ridicule over such a thing, Kyle is horrified to learn that microorganisms comprise half of the cells in his body. At night he dreams of the life forms, and the image of a bookcase that causes him to awaken with a start.

Sheila's friends tell her that they would like to undergo a fecal transplant, but that their doctors would only prescribe the procedure for medical reasons, and ask her to donate a stool sample so they can perform the procedure themselves at home, to which Sheila declines. Harriet goes to Kyle and offers to give him a copy of Star Wars Jedi: Fallen Order if he procures a stool sample from Sheila. Kyle refuses, but his three friends, Stan Marsh, Eric Cartman, and Kenny McCormick, take her up on her offer. Stan, Cartman, and Kenny sneak into the Broflovski's basement and access the soil pipe while Sheila uses the toilet, stealing her feces despite being confronted by Kyle.

Kyle consults his doctor to complain about microbiome swapping, and wonders if people with ideal health profiles like Tom Brady will become targets of those wanting such transplants. At the mention of Brady's name, however, the doctor is unsettled and begins a whispered inner monologue patterned after those in the film Dune, noting that Kyle "knows" about Brady's microbiome, which he calls "The Spice Melange". Though Brady's "spice" is unobtainable, the doctor wonders if Kyle will be the one who will bring it to him.

Harriet praises the fecal transplant procedure's benefits to her friends, having performed an at-home transplant with a turkey baster, but refuses to tell Sheila where she got the stool sample from. The boys are confronted by school counselor Mr. Mackey. Mackey offers to buy each of them their own separate copy of Fallen Order if they obtain for him someone else's stool sample, which in his inner monologue, Mackey indicates to be "The Spice Melange." At a post-game press conference, the press repeatedly ask Brady for a stool sample, which he says he will not give or sell to anyone. As Kyle's dreams about the microbiome continue, he again is haunted by visions of the bookcase, and develops the ability to see the microorganisms covering his body when awake. At another shared meal, Harriet, ill and covered in vomit stains, confronts her friends and angrily accuses Sheila of tainting her feces in some way to sabotage her transplant. Linda and Laura then become ill themselves, having stolen the remainder of Harriet's stolen sample and performed their own transplants. As Hell's Pass Hospital fills with local citizens suffering from C-diff, the doctor tells police detective Harrison 'Harris' Yates that the outbreak began at the restaurant where patrons became infected by Sheila's friends. He explains that because the turkey basters they used for their transplants are only used once a year at Thanksgiving, they spend the rest of the year collecting bacteria. He then says the hospital is out of healthy donor feces and that enough healthy feces could not be harvested in time to give all the patients transplants, predicting that half of South Park will die.

After meeting with multiple people associated with Tom Brady, the boys sit in Brady's living room with other people secretly hoping to acquire Brady's "Spice Melange". When the truth is revealed, Brady demands everyone leave, but Kyle appears and leads everyone to Brady's living room bookcase, which he reveals to be a secret door to a hidden room where Brady keeps his jarred feces. Brady explains that he stopped flushing it because people kept breaking his pipes to acquire them. The boys bring the feces to the hospital where it is used to treat all the infected patients. When Sheila asks Kyle how he knew how to resolve the crisis, Kyle explains that his microbiome knew, saying he has learned that the creatures inside him are part of him, and will now trust his gut a bit more.

What I Learned Today

I've really learned that I'm not just me. I'm also all the creatures inside of me. Kyle
One for the Ladies is one too many for the ladies - Hell's Pass Doctor